I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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