I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
this will be a night to untag.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
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