went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
