i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
