walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
You can't motorboat a personality
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
