Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
