My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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