yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Just pee around me
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
