omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
