my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
