He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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