im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Terrible idea I love it
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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