I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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