I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
