i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
