Why does Corona taste like a burp?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
The police scanner is talking about you again....
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
