based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
