careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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