You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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