Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
