i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
