And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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