I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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