He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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