is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
my phone needs a breathalizer
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Found your dick twin last night
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
