So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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