If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
