Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
