I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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