what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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