its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
This house was built for laser tag.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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