New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
