Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
