okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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