If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
