I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
