She said her name was "party"
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
