6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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