its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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