Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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