You made me cry and you don't even care
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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