Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
My vagina just recognized that song.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
