it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
These tits shall not be calmed
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
