Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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