This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
