Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
