"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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