She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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