You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
