i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
