just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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